We’ve all done it. “Gone fishing at the company dock” is one metaphor that comes quickly to mind. Whether as summer students working at our first paying job at camp, an associate in a retail store, or as established professionals, we have all felt attracted to a work colleague at some point in our working lives.
I’m not writing to judge those who decide to pursue office romance – single or with existing partners – just to share some personal insights into what can make office romances work and how to avoid the many pitfalls and stresses they can also bring.
Here are ten things to consider before launching into an office liaison.
- Figure out where you see the relationship going before you pass the point of no return. Get clear on corporate policy regarding employee fraternization. The cubicles, elevators and water fountains have eyes.
- Establishing rules of engagement with the object of your affection can reduce the potential stress around arranging meeting times and places that could draw unwanted attention to your relationship. If you decide to keep the rumours at bay and the relationship out of office chat, at office events, greet one another and talk together as you would other colleagues. Avoid the mistake of ignoring one another and pretending you have never met. It never fools anyone.
- Your colleagues are more aware of their work environment than you imagine, and will quickly sense when you are distracted. It is probably better for you and everyone on your team if your office partner does not work in close proximity to you.
- You are wise to be concerned about the effects on your future with your company and career if your secret becomes common knowledge among your peers and junior colleagues, let alone your boss and senior management. Others judge us constantly, especially when we take on (or aspire to) a leadership role and a personal romantic misstep can destroy our credibility. The media is full of examples of politicians, military leaders and corporate icons who have slipped and never recovered.
- Ask yourself if the object of your affection will show the same good judgment as yourself or is he or she likely to confide in a trusted co-worker the minute something goes wrong in your relationship. You need to know that you share the desire for privacy to preserve your personal and professional reputation. And should the bliss fade, you and your office partner need to agree that no retaliation will take place, which is often easier said than done.
- If you supervise your office partner and he or she has designs on moving up the corporate ladder, you need to determine whether it is your affections or a promotion they are seeking. As in all relationships, trust lies at the foundation of a rewarding office romance.
- Is yours a passing fascination with a new co-worker who has shown interest in you or are you becoming increasingly attracted to a colleague after months, or years, of working together? Long hours together in airplanes on business trips, all-nighters working on clutch presentations and the thrill of a shared business “win” can turn a flickering spark into a bonfire.
- If one or both of you are committed to another person, are you (and your office romantic partner) willing to deal with the fall out that may result from him or her learning about your office relationship? Can you both deal with potential guilt that may arise?
- Be mindful of the distractions that romance can bring – especially if you are working with your paramour daily. Your professional role probably requires your complete attention and personal distractions, however justified, can quickly take a toll on your job performance.
- I have known instances where office romances that emerge out of nowhere have resulted in long-term and robust relationships, fully supported by work colleagues. No two situations are the same and ultimately rise, or fall, on the partners’ ability to gain more joy than stress on their corporate romantic journey.
This article was originally posted on LinkedIn.
