Have you ever been in a conversation where the other person is folding their arms? Offering hit and miss eye contact? Shifting from foot to foot? It might be time to graciously end the conversation and move on. Or, maybe your conversational partner is nodding, facing you with their arms at their sides and asking questions, indicating that they are engaged in dialogue with you.
In a business setting, at a social event or anywhere people gather, visual cues say it all. It’s always better to see physical responses to know how to read a situation.
These powers of observation all but disappear when corresponding in cyberspace. It’s hard to read someone’s body language when they are on the other end of an email or text message.
Have you ever done any of the following?
- Sent an email or instant message to a colleague who’s desk is across the room from you
- Attended an event while texting your friends or emailing, ignoring others in the room with you
- Updated your Facebook status or tweeted while in a meeting
- Sent an email while attending a team meeting
If you have ever done any of the above or similar things, you are likely not giving enough attention to honing your interpersonal skills and you may end up limiting your prospects because you don’t know how to connect effectively.
Face-to-face, two-way dialogue works best for me, and I am not alone.
Digital media: Friend or Foe?
There is no question that digital media in all its evolving forms is an efficient way to communicate quickly and move on to the next task or meeting. However, in the wake of the “time famine” so many of us face, we are becoming so dependent on digital media that our face-to-face conversation skills are slipping.
Consider business networking where strangers are thrown together at a conference, each keen to make business contacts to drive sales. I have spoken to colleagues in a variety of professions who say they are more comfortable hanging out with people they know at these events because they feel they are out of practice when it comes to making conversation. One admitted, “I don’t know why I bother going to these events when I spend most of my time avoiding prospects.”
Our dependence on digital communication has not gone unnoticed by researchers and is the topic of constant debate. For example, 65% of the respondents in a survey on debate.org said that texting has an adverse effect on people’s ability to communicate.
A little over a year ago, data suggested that over 500 years of YouTube videos were watched everyday through Facebook. And over 700 YouTube videos were being shared on Twitter every minute. (Source: Mashable) That’s a lot of online content sharing… and distraction.
However, Ed Keller and Brad Fay offer evidence that face-to-face communication isn’t being gradually replaced by online communication in their book The Face-to-Face Book: Why Real Relationships Rule in the Digital Marketplace. Their research indicates that when it comes to influential conversations, only 8% occur online while 90% are carried out face-to-face. To me, an influential conversation includes finalizing contract details, answering potentially difficult questions that neither party is comfortable communicating by email, or simply introducing yourself to a referral with whom you want to work.
The answer is finding a good balance
Digital communication isn’t going to vanish. Rather than fight its existence and ignore its efficiency in certain situations or give in to a world without interpersonal skills, the key is to find a balance between digital and face-to-face interaction.
How we can re-engage one another in person, and still benefit from our beloved digital devices? Here are a few tips:
- Keep yourself in check. Don’t let yourself fall into bad communication habits. If the person you need to speak with is across the hall, get up and go. When you do use digital channels, make sure you have two-way communication; simply sending an email isn’t communicating.
- Don’t be afraid to be uncomfortable. It may be easier to avoid the awkwardness of a possible face-to-face rejection from a prospect or getting food stuck in your teeth at a networking lunch, but you will never learn to deal with these situations unless you experience them. However, a quick email or LinkedIn message is a great way to follow up after you make a connection.
- Fully experience your moments. Try putting your phone away while you’re at an event (unless tweeting is encouraged!). While you are worrying about what filter to put on your best Instagram shot, who to tag or what the proper hashtag is, you may miss a great opportunity. Check in and share on social media after the event as a way to connect to people you met.
- Make a game of it. If you are out for a lunch with colleagues, the first person to use their phone (barring an emergency) has to pick up the cheque, or another variation. Perhaps if you are having an employee event, everyone should leave their phones on a table (much like bartenders in the Wild West would ask patrons to leave their pistols behind the bar). The last one to look at their phone that night leaves with a prize.
This article was originally posted on LinkedIn.
